Why you shouldn’t use earbuds.

Sleek. Sexy. Seductive. Slip them in and tune everything else out.

For those of you just tuning in, I was describing earbuds. In today’s iPod world, they’re the standard when it comes to portable music. They are the best thing since the innovation of toast. But not to insult the glorious invention of toast, that last statement was meant to be sarcastic.

Using earbuds to listen to music is just as enjoyable as walking on a freshly paved blacktop right after the fresh pavement is set. And barefoot.

I’m sure many that are reading this are having thoughts like,

• “I love my earbuds! They’re so portable and cool!”
• “It’s just music, it doesn’t matter what you listen to them through.”
• “Or prehaps even, “Earbuds are the way of today. Stop living in the past.”

Okay, so maybe people do like earbuds. So that is why I plan to convert your ways. What else would you expect from the Llama with Headphones?

Reason #1 not to wear Earbuds.
You’re putting a tiny plastic thing in your ear.
Simple logic: If you stick something in your ear, it could hurt the ear drum. There is the ever-so-popular theory that states if you clean out your ears with a cotton swab you should be careful not to stick it too far.
So let us forget the safety of our eardrums and shove these little plastic bulbs in our ear. And while we are at it, we’ll have Mr. Pink come along and chop off our ears.
Which leads us to reason #2…

Reason #2 not to wear Earbuds.
You’re putting a tiny speaker in your ear.
The principle of headphones is a speaker right against your ear. So theoretically if you put the speaker close to your ear drum as possible, you should hear the best result. Er… no. Sound waves need some time to pass and not directly into your ear. Sound waves going into the ear at that rate equals loss of hearing.
Also, since you are hearing sounds through a tiny speaker, you loose sound in the registers. I’m not talking about the barely noticeable sounds of the 20 hz and the 20 khz. 

Reason #3 not wear Earbuds.
They’re hard to see.
Suppose you want to talk to a dear friend who just so happens to be on the other side of the walkway. You wave, nothing happens. You call their name, nothing happens. Then they look over by chance and see you. So they pull out their ear bud on the left ear, wave, and then get back to listening to Ben Folds.
Honestly, what is the point of wearing hard to see ear buds with nothing but a string to give you a clue? It’s like the wearer is ashamed of listening to music. And why should you be ashamed to listen to music? Music is not a horrible stain like (insert name of cult here) that you wish to keep a secret from other people. Let people know you’re listening to music rather having to rely on a shadow on a colored background to do it for you.

Reason #4 not to wear earbuds.
They are uncomfortable beyond belief.
Sure, you can add all the rubber and gelish things you want, but earbuds don’t compensate for all ears. Put in the earbud, adjust it a bit, adjust it some more because you’re not hearing the music correctly, adjust it again because it’s pushing on a side of the inner ear, and then someone comes along and asks you a question in which you need to pull out the bud and answer the question. Then you have to go through all the long effort to put the earbud back in.
It’s just inconvenient.

In short, I don’t like earbuds. Hard to get the right tone out of them and hard to fit in the ear. Just give me a pair of headphones and I’ll be alright. And you should be to.

And before I forget, there are actually high quality earbuds on the market, but If you’re still willing to stick a plastic coated speaker in your ear, go ahead… I won’t stop you.